Freedom is not because of rights, but because of love.

"I understand Jesus' love, but God is another story. I don't find them to be alike at all."
"You haven't enjoyed your time with Papa?" she asked surprised.
"No, I love Papa, whoever she is. She's amazing, but she's not like the God I've known."
"Maybe your understanding of God is wrong."
"Maybe. I just don't see how God loved Missy perfectly."
"So the judgement continues?" she said with a sadness in her voice.
That made Mack pause, but only for a moment. "What am I suppose to think? I just don't understand how God could love Missy and let her go through that horror. She was innocent. She didn't do anything to deserve that."
"I know"
Mack continued on, "Did God use her to punish me for what I did to my father? That isn't fair. She didn't deserve this. Nan didn't deserve this." Tears streamed down his face. "I might have, but they didn't."
"Is that who your God is, Mackenzie? It is no wonder you are drowning in your sorrow. Papa isn't like that, Mackenzie. She's not punishing you, or Missy, or Nan. This was not his doing."
"But he didn't stop it."
"No, he didn't. He doesn't stop a lot of things that cause him pain. Your world is severely broken. You demanded your independence, and now you are angry with the one who loved you enough to give it to you. Nothing is as it should be, as Papa desires it to be, and as it will be one day. Right now your world is lost in darkness and chaos, and horrible things happen to those that he is especially fond of."
"Then why doesn't he do something about it?"
"He already has..."
"You mean what Jesus did?"
"Haven't you seen the wounds on Papa too?"

The Shack

*On another note, something Soo Inn mentioned on Sunday, God wants to be found, more than we want to find Him.

Hey hey you you, i like you so much girlfriend

Geraldine's birthday

To Gardens @ Curve

Jia yeen doing what she does best, posing for the camera :)

Turkey and Pineapple Sandwich

Butter ginger dory fish

Garden fish & chips

Then to Laundry

Wine cooler and Mojito. Well, more like Darlie toothpaste..

The birthday girl

We love you :)

Letting go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not not cut myself off, it's the realization that I don't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Author unknown
From IN THE COMPANY OF FRIENDS

Lame humour

Where can you find nice smelling shit?

Answer: Dang Wangi (a.k.a dung wangi)



hahahahaha... not funny ah?

This day

I first heard this song on Saturday at the Maks. It's such a beautiful song, that thought of sharing it. The song speaks of how two hearts come together as one, as they love each other, and love God. It's so beautiful when a couple views God as the centre of their relationship and marriage, that it holds them together and blesses God. Well, the lyrics speaks it all. A beautiful song, paired with a beautiful voice singing it :)

This day two lives become one
This day a new journey has begun
Our hearts full of lasting love
Brought together by the hand above

To share a life that draws us closer
To the one that we live for

And I will give you my heart
And all of who I am
And I will give more than vows
And words could ever say

Yes I'll give you my all on this day
On this day

On the cross his love was shown
And this love will build our home
Standing now in front of you
We profess a love we know is true

To share a life that draws us closer
To the one that we live for

And I will give you my heart
And all of who I am
And I will give more than vows
And words could ever say

Yes I'll give you my all on this day
And I'll give you my all on this day

On this day, on this day

This day
Jadon Lavik

The beautiful voice: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/video/video.php?v=453553600375

Who am I

Over time You'�ve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
And though at times it�s just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well, I am grateful that you shine your light on me at all

Who am I that You would love me so gently
Who am I that You would recognize my name
Lord, who am I that You would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I?

Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind, but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song the more I understand
That I do not comprehend this love that�s coming from Your hand

Grace, grace, God�s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace, God�s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin

Who am I that You would love me so gently
Who am I that You would recognize my name
Lord, who am I that You would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I.


Who am I
Watermark

Sometimes it's great having songs that can put my thoughts into words. :)

Never ask designers.

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...
...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
...
From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon, That is shocking news. Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster yeah ok thanks.

I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon, I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon, It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon, Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon, I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
Regards, David.
...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit.
Thanks Shan.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
...
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

...
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Go away

Just when i'm starting to forget (or at least i think i am), you have to appear again. Why. Why?? WHY!? Why do you have to be everywhere. -_- Go away please. Before i flatten you into a ban chang kuih and
EAT YOU.

...

Trading silver for gold?

Maybe it's true that many good things come with a price to pay.
That with every pro, there's a con. With every good thing, a price.
That we can't always get what we want.
But.
I was so caught up counting the price i had to pay, i forgot that what i was getting was worth much more than the price i needed to pay for it. Maybe trading silver for gold is worth it...
Thank you for hanging on, when all i wanted was to give up. :)

Who do you love?

Here we are
You tell me I'm the only one
Who makes you feel love again
There you go
I see you watching him
When you don't think I know
Should I let you go?

So who's it gonna be
Is it him or me?

Who do you love?
Who do you need?
You're messing up my mind
Wasting all my time

Who do you love?
What do you feel?
Stop playing with my heart
You're tearing me apart

Am I the one
who can make you fly up above
Is it me who can take you higher
than you're dreaming of
Now who do you love?
Who do you love?

Turn around
Do you really think you could
You'll play me like a fool
For you
Then I realize
When you touch me it's like nothing I have known
Could I let you go

So who's it gonna be
Is it him or me?

Who do you love
Moffats

Food addict

I believe when i go broke one day (almost there), it's from eating.
I blame the FOOD.

Chances

Chances are when said and done

Who'll be the lucky ones

Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need

Chances
Five for fighting

Thanks for the song! :)

It doesn't matter.

You know what? You were right. I was so sure. Now, i'm not. Maybe this isn't what i wanted.
Thank you for helping me see that.

Let it be. Let me be.

I just want to lie on the ground as long as it takes. Not hearing anything, seeing anything, knowing anything, thinking anything, doing anything. Just listening to the silence. Don't tell me anything.

I love you too

Because when the oceans rise, you keep my head above the water.
Thank you.

Snore

Oh no... It's 12am. I hate it when it's time to sleep again, and in the morning when i wake up. It's hard falling asleep nowadays, and going back to sleep after i ter-wake. Therefore, i am sleep deprived. Insomnia.

Unproductive during the day and terribly tired.



I wish my brain will stop functioning.

Updates

I just finished my Internal exams yesterday and having two days of holidays. Me is happy :)

The shooting ended two Fridays ago. It's a project done by UTAR's broadcasting students, a short production called Law by law, right or wrong (somewhat like the breakfast show). I was fortunate to have a chance to be a part of it. Here are some photos from the shoot.

In hair and makeup

David needed his eyebrows fixed

Final touch ups on set

The shooting

The rest of the cast Kit Leong, David and Calvin

With cast and crew

Alice, Cerenna and Kelly

The bbq after-party

In 3, 2, 1... *bomb*

Current state of life: self-destructing.

As someone quotes, I'm not shattered until I look into the mirror.

When God made you

When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.

The reading room

A widower opened a reading room in the wishes of his late wife, a place where people can learn to read. He was a rich businessman, and did not understand why his wife wanted that. Yet, he did it in order to fulfill her wish, and also thought it may make a difference to the community. The reading room was opened in Oakland, a community of poor people and gang bangers. Yet, he chose for it to be there, in the midst of the resentful, hopeless-feeling people.

He taught children to read, and had a vending machine giving out free sodas. He faced many difficulties. People were accusing him of his good will and didn't believe that his reading room will last in their community, thrashing his shop and stealing the computers inside. Yet, he chose to make the robber a security guard for his reading room, as an exchange of dropping charges against the robber. That robber was involved in a gang, and thought of the job as being a slave to the widower, but yet he chose to do the job because he knew it gave him hope, than being in a gang that offered him nothing.

A young student was studying for his SAT in hopes of getting a scholarship into college. His father sells tyres and did not think college was necessary. This student was a genius, but has a reading disorder. Yet chose to help himself, and allow the widower to help him with his studies till he got a 1540 for his SAT and got himself a scholarship. All because he wanted a future that does not involve selling tyres.

The widower also helped a little girl to read better, in which she taught her younger brother to read while babysitting. There was a bright young boy who was great in math, but had Dislexia so he couldn't read. The widower was not equipped to help him, but he searched hard to look for someone who was. The tutors he found were not willing because of the neighborhood the reading room was in. But he finally found someone who would.

In the end, the robber who got the job as the security guard gained the trust of the widower, who handed him over the reading room to manage, the little girl and boy learned how to read fluently, the high school student got a scholarship to college, and many more got themselves a job at the reading room which indicated the start of a new beginning. The reading room gave them hope. Yes, it may not have made a difference to the whole community, just like how we may not be able to save/help the world, but just like it did to the lives of these few people, we can make a difference in little.

Taking baby steps

Something struck me this afternoon when i was taking a nap. This morning we had an Easter sunrise service in BU central park, instead of the usual church service. And little Caelynn was there, enjoying herself, walking around, and feeding her hands to the dogs. She would walk a few steps, then reach her hand above her head and attempt to hold someone's hand for support and assurance. Eddy mentioned later on that it reminded Him of God loving and watching over him on his life journey, just as he was there, fully prepared to allow Caelynn to grab his finger whenever she reached out her hand. And through this, how much you love a child not of your own blood and prepared to help her when she needs it, what more your heavenly Father will do that and even more for you.

It just struck me of how the little little things in life Eddy sees that encourages him, reminds and teaches him of God, and even how he finds joy in the little things and situations that people usually see as nothing more than a moment in life. And this really reminded me of... me. I remember that the little details in life always did and still do remind me of God and brings me cheer. I always felt i have this little whisper in me, something that speaks to me, connects me, cautions me, answers me, shows me... Till now, sometimes i still don't know how to use it, or in better words, to express it. Yet at this point of time, i'm starting to numb it and harden myself. Like what people say, you can let situations bring you down, or strengthen you up. With each bad situation, i chose to let it harden me, rather than making me stronger. I guess i start to get tired of standing up again after each fall, convincing myself or forcing myself to get up and try again straight away, rather than letting me heal, savor God and give time to learn and understand. Till everything starts becoming hypocritical, unreal, and i start to doubt. It is true what people say that life feels empty without God. It is. I feel the emptiness. But i'm not ready to get up yet.

I'm not giving up on christianity, not life, because no doubt God is real. I just don't know how to embrace it yet.

A freckle on life's complexion. That won't do.

I'm a very detailed person. The little little things matter and bother me. When i was in school, i use to tear pages off my brown exercise book just because the first word i wrote didn't look nice. So i ended up with most of my books being half the thickness than it's suppose to be. Yes, that's how much it matters. Sometimes, it isn't a good thing.

P.S I love you

It's such a beautiful and sad story.

Tired

I'm running out of strength
I'm running out of smiles
I'm running out of hope
Everything i believed in, now i doubt
I shall remain silent

The spiky head Philipino that'll blow your socks off

Name: Ryan Confiredo
Competition: So You Think You Can Dance, Season 1
Dance: Break dance
Signature move: The head spin, on his gelled stiff spiky hair
Current dance crew: Quest

He is really good :) *double thumbs and toes up*

The signature head spin

I'm guessing he must be really good to be doing an elbow stand

I can't wait to find a new dance studio so I can start dancing again. My dance class ended cos lack of students. So hopefully I can find one that i'll like soon :) I miss dancing.

Controversy turned destructive

“Hell is a world gone mad where we do not understand our neighbours; where politicians can declare crusades and holy wars against an idea…

“The way out of hell is love. Love is the recognition of the Other; the acknowledgement that the person before us is a fellow human being whose life is an abundant store of emotions, feelings, memories of hope and loss, tears, smiles, laughter. Love is the prerequisite of communication, even when that communication is difficult and one is not always understood. But love dictates that we need to understand, or at least make the effort to understand; and not to demonise, to scapegoat, to sully, to abuse. Love is the thing that stops the finger as it presses on the trigger; it is the thing that stills the hand before it reaches for the knife.” – “Qu’ran and Cricket”

Dr Farish A. Noor wrote that in 2007 when he visited Holland after Theo Van Gogh, the controversial Dutch director, was killed in broad daylight in a busy street in Amsterdam by a young Muslim.

The circumstances that inspired those words are different today… but the sentiment is the same.

The Malaysian Insider - Joan Lau

Start of something new

Yes, i am approximately 6 days late to blogging a new year post, but Wow. The year has past so fast, and now it's a new year. I should learn from the Malays by first apologizing to everyone i've offended and hurt. The past year has been eventful, full of new beginnings and endings, once in lifetime chances and adventures. Right this moment a year ago, i was stuck in Tasik Chini, crying peoples' ears off, deprived of vehicles and shopping malls, and eating burgers like there was no tomorrow. Living in a jungle, swimming in a brown lake being fully covered with clothes and sport shoes, and winning a marching competition with my fellow team mates. Using an actual M16 gun was probably one of the best moments, followed by a 12-days trip to China, with my sister being the only person i knew then. Applying for a scholarship to UK, and meeting some of the greatest and sweetest people from the tip to toe of the country... The first time feeling most at home with a bunch of nicest, and crazy yet fun people i barely knew, besides their lame jokes. Being scrapped on my back with a soup spoon in a foreign country and co-choreographing a dance i never knew i could, plus turning 18 and legal to drink and enter 18Sg movies. Being part of another life fellowship, and meeting the boyfriend's family... They were pretty nice people. Getting enrolled in college, singing on stage, failing and finally passed my driving, and having my first pork burger from McDonald's China! Choices to make and embarrassing moments. It was a challenging and growing year, with a lot of hard learning. By God's grace I survived.

The new year wasn't great to start with. With stress, doubts, frustrating moments and insecurities. The best thing for the transition from 2009 to 2010 would be thanking God before the countdown, remembering of His grace and goodness, and reminding self for Him to be my vision for the new year. Plus a hike to Broga hill shows it'll continue to be an eventful year (i certainly hope so!). Yup, 18 going on 19 this year. Still young but hopeful for the future. The years definitely passes fast. It was sweet 16, and now slowly going into adulthood. If i could make it up the peak of Broga (and get down) since i'm terrified of heights, i believe that i'll be able to make it through the coming years, by God's grace. Yup, indeed still long way to go. No resolutions for the new year, but i really hope to be able to take one day at a time, and enjoy each moment. That i will not one day look back, and realize i've wasted my life. And hopefully, the best things will come when it's unexpected :)

Exams start in 4 days, and i'm too lazy to calculate the minutes and seconds so we shall skip that part. So ermmm... How to enjoy exams and the stressful studying? Alamak *smacks forehead*

*hums Raindrops keep falling on my head, pitter patter pitter patter*

Take me away

Bungee jumping, sky diving, cliff diving... Anything that'll take me away and keep me sane.

There's a place that I go
But nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home

And there's no more lies
In the darkness, there's light
And nobody cries
There's only butterflies

Take me away
A secret place
A sweet escape
Take me away

Pocket full of sunshine
Natasha Bedingfield

Take me away.

I know I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing

I'm just reminded of my time spending with God. Yesterday Ed mentioned about the word "friends", especially God as our friend. It reminded me how relationships are with friends, God being my friend. One thing I love most is sitting on the floor alone, next to my bed, with the room door closed, and just talking to God, literately, with my voice. I love how beautiful conversations like these can be, when there are no pretenses; no striving; no defensiveness... I can just tell Him everything, what I'm feeling, what I'm going through, my fears, disagreements, what I love and dislike, how situations are. Because no sides are taken, there are no worries whether I am hurting someone's feelings by speaking out my own; no gossips; no judgments... Because He knows it all, and sees it as it is. Just a few days ago we went hiking to Broga hill. While I was standing at the peak and looking down on everything, it suddenly came to me that God, who created all this, how specific and detailed He is. How when Dolly mentioned Jude, while working on the picture on the front cover of the chronicles, was so detailed in doing it, every single detail was there in it's magnified condition. Yet after returning it to it's original state, like how you look at the chronicles now, you don't actually see the details that are there because you've zoomed out from it. But nevertheless, the details ARE there. When I looked down on everything from the peak, i see clumps of green and yellow, which I assume are trees and paddy wheat. Then I zoom in on one of the clumps of yellow, and I see paddy wheat. Further zooming in on the paddy wheat, and I see every single grain, in it's detail. Each dent, each scratch, each hair. Zooming in for the last time and I see each cell and molecule in a single grain. It's amazing how God can take care and take account of every single little detail. And if He knows every detail of a single wheat, what will He not know about me. Many times I strive to please God that I forget how honest I can be with Him with every part of my life. That I can tell Him what I feel and think. When most times I can't find words to express, I know that He knows what I mean. It's beautiful to know that there is someone so close to my heart, that pure honesty is allowed.

I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
How can I keep from singing
Chris Tomlin